Lately a lot of Duggar drama has been going on. Now usually I am not one to get wrapped up in this kind of thing. I don't usually watch reality television shows, and I am probably not as up to date on pop culture as most, but I like it that way. However the Duggars and 19 Kids and Counting are a different story for me and my family.
I started watching 19 Kids and Counting late in the game. But when I discovered the show, I started watching it religiously (no pun intended). Even though I am not an Evangelical Christian or even a typical Christian, I discovered, much to my surprise that I really liked the show. I liked it because I could watch it with my kids in the room, and not have to worry about them being exposed to anything that I deemed inappropriate. I also found out that my daughter liked watching the show with me. She usually is totally uninterested in watching anything with me, so I enjoyed that quality time together, even if we were watching tv. I also really liked what I thought the Duggars were about. I mean some of their beliefs were far fetched and much too conservative for me, but I liked the way they looked at some things. I really thought Michelle Duggar was right on when she would talk about "different seasons of life." I liked that they were focused on family, and that they seemed kind, and were soft spoken, and that they really seemed to love each other and truly care for each other. I liked that they seemed to take things in stride, even with all those kids they have. I mean not too many mom's can be that calm and laid back about everything. I guess if I had that many kids though, all my brain cells would be fried, so I probably would be that laid back too. I liked that they worked, and they helped out in the community, and they seemed wholesome in a world that is usually dirty, mean, and full of violence and hate. Most of all, I liked that they were simple.
Then the unthinkable in the Duggar reality show happened. My wholesome show was suddenly not so wholesome! My dvr Duggar sessions were over! Everyone seems to be talking about Josh Duggar, or Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar, or Jill and Jessa Duggar, and then the other unnamed girls who were victims, and now poor Anna Duggar (who I totally feel awful for by the way). But let me take a moment and point out all the Duggar watchers like me. What about us? We were lied to. We watched this show, fell in love with this show and this family. We trusted this family. We let our children watch this show with us. We might have even read the books they wrote. We celebrated with them, we rejoiced with them, we mourned with them, and we cried with them. We believed that they were good people, and that they were doing good things. We loved that they made family first. We loved that they celebrated life and children so much. We loved that they held strongly to their belief's, even if we didn't agree with all of them. We love the kindness they seemed to have for others, (before I found out about the LGBT bashing) of course.
The reality of it is much different than what we were lead to believe. The glimmer of hope that we had for this family who we thought was straight forward, and everything they said they were, was totally destroyed when the news came out. I think it was destroyed even more by the interviews that they gave. Trying to see them defend what was done, and watching them play it down, was even more despicable to me than the original news. And now this current news with Josh Duggar and his sex accounts and unfaithful escapades. How are they planning to defend this? How are they planning to "make this okay?" So far I have seen the oh so popular "everybody sins" hoopla. Of course everyone "sins." Or better yet, everyone does not so nice things every once in a while, or even on a daily basis if you're a real jerk. Everybody doesn't molest family members and friends, everybody doesn't set up internet accounts for the sole purpose of having affairs, everybody doesn't cheat on their wives or husbands or significant others. And everybody doesn't try to hide behind religion, and use it as a get out of jail free card.
So dear Duggars. You have deeply disappointed me. You lied and you cheated and you tried to make us think that you were wholesome and true, and you just aren't. You tried to rationalize and make what your son did okay to yourselves, your son, your daughters and the world. You stood behind your son, and you shamed your daughters, and now you shame his wife. You hid your dirty laundry and when it was found, and boy it was stinky, you tried to make it okay. It is not okay. The way you have handled it, is not okay. And even though it is really not our business, you have made it our business by putting yourselves in the spotlight for all these years. People trusted you, and you broke that trust. If you had come out and been honest about the reality of it all, we probably wouldn't be so pissed off. But you didn't. You tried to sugarcoat something that just shouldn't be sugarcoated, because it smells. You should be ashamed of yourselves. So dear Duggars, don't pray for me, I will pray for you.
Saturday, August 29, 2015
Sunday, August 23, 2015
Southerners.
You can try to deny it. You can go vegan and stop wearing your boots. You can even get rid of that accent. But you will always be southern born and southern bred at heart. You better watch out, because if you deny it for too long, it will slowly start to sneak up on you. You will hear that twang come out when you're talking on the phone to your mama. You will find yourself complaining about the "terrible, awful heat" in May, when it is just starting to get hot around here. You might even start craving things like fried okra, cornbread, peach cobbler, and a big ol' glass of sweet tea. Like I said, you can try to deny it, but you can't ignore it for long.
I am Georgia born and Georgia bred. For a short while, I tried to deny my roots. I started smoking french cigarettes and told people as soon as I got the money I was gonna move to New Mexico, wear a lot of turquoise jewelry, and pretend I was from the west coast. Needless to say, that never worked out. Then I started to realize that being southern was a pretty wonderful thing. I found myself feeling sorry for all those people that weren't raised in the south. I thought how miserable those "Yankee's" and "Northerners" must be with their frigid winters and bad manners. Growing up, we spoke of "the Northerners" in hushed, whispered tones, as if it wasn't polite conversation. Because really, it just wasn't. I started to realize that if I wasn't a southerner, I might not truly appreciate the first cool breeze that welcomes in fall, or the sound of a "bob white" cooing in the woods, or the incredible taste of a fresh watermelon and tomatoes from the garden in the summer. I probably wouldn't appreciate the snow that we might or might not get in the winter. The comfort that you can get from a meal of lima beans and cornbread. Or the greeting of "hey ya'll" that we all use down here, not just Paula Dean.
We southerners are steeped in tradition, and we are proud of our roots. Our roots run deep just like the veins in our skin. We cling to our beliefs, and our stories, and our uniqueness, that some would deem "crazy'. And just like any rich culture, we are proud of who we are. We aren't those "stupid rednecks" that live down south. We aren't illiterate, we don't eat possums, and the majority of us aren't racist. We are an educated people that speaks slow so you can hear the beauty of our language. We will hug your neck, and welcome you into our home, even if we just met. We will make sure you're warm and well fed if you visit us. We will ask you what you're drinking, and then make sure your ice never gets dry. We will entertain you with endless stories about our spirited families. Most importantly, we will embrace you with open arms.
So put your prejudice away. If you're southern, and you're tying to deny it, let it on out. Let it out, and love it, just like your nutty Aunt Caroline. And remember, whether you're southern or not, accept who you are, embrace who you are, be who you are. Because being who you truly are, is the most beautiful thing you can do.
(*The author has no ill will towards any of the above mentioned "northerners" or "yankees." The author was not exposed to any "northerners" or "yankees" until later in life. When she was, she realized that though they may be a little rough around the edges, they were great friends.)
I am Georgia born and Georgia bred. For a short while, I tried to deny my roots. I started smoking french cigarettes and told people as soon as I got the money I was gonna move to New Mexico, wear a lot of turquoise jewelry, and pretend I was from the west coast. Needless to say, that never worked out. Then I started to realize that being southern was a pretty wonderful thing. I found myself feeling sorry for all those people that weren't raised in the south. I thought how miserable those "Yankee's" and "Northerners" must be with their frigid winters and bad manners. Growing up, we spoke of "the Northerners" in hushed, whispered tones, as if it wasn't polite conversation. Because really, it just wasn't. I started to realize that if I wasn't a southerner, I might not truly appreciate the first cool breeze that welcomes in fall, or the sound of a "bob white" cooing in the woods, or the incredible taste of a fresh watermelon and tomatoes from the garden in the summer. I probably wouldn't appreciate the snow that we might or might not get in the winter. The comfort that you can get from a meal of lima beans and cornbread. Or the greeting of "hey ya'll" that we all use down here, not just Paula Dean.
We southerners are steeped in tradition, and we are proud of our roots. Our roots run deep just like the veins in our skin. We cling to our beliefs, and our stories, and our uniqueness, that some would deem "crazy'. And just like any rich culture, we are proud of who we are. We aren't those "stupid rednecks" that live down south. We aren't illiterate, we don't eat possums, and the majority of us aren't racist. We are an educated people that speaks slow so you can hear the beauty of our language. We will hug your neck, and welcome you into our home, even if we just met. We will make sure you're warm and well fed if you visit us. We will ask you what you're drinking, and then make sure your ice never gets dry. We will entertain you with endless stories about our spirited families. Most importantly, we will embrace you with open arms.
So put your prejudice away. If you're southern, and you're tying to deny it, let it on out. Let it out, and love it, just like your nutty Aunt Caroline. And remember, whether you're southern or not, accept who you are, embrace who you are, be who you are. Because being who you truly are, is the most beautiful thing you can do.
(*The author has no ill will towards any of the above mentioned "northerners" or "yankees." The author was not exposed to any "northerners" or "yankees" until later in life. When she was, she realized that though they may be a little rough around the edges, they were great friends.)
Wednesday, August 19, 2015
Soggy Diapers
Last night I stepped in a pee diaper on the way to the bathroom. It was five thirty in the morning, and it squished between my toes. Today my almost three year old threw a bowl of chips on the floor, crushed them up in the carpet and then ate them. Tonight my six year old got mad at me because I took away the fruit snacks she was supposed to get due to bad behavior. She screamed at me and then cried herself to sleep. I'm pretty sure my kids might actually be trying to kill me today.
I'm going to tell you a secret that no one would dare tell you. Motherhood is hard. Parenting is hard. It is not a walk in the park. It is not always play dates, and perfectly behaved kids. In fact it is rarely that. Motherhood is a raw, emotional, dirty experience. It can hurt you on an emotional and sometimes physical level, (cue getting mastitis or a bite to the arm by a teething six month old). It can make you think that you are doing everything wrong. It can cause you to have a full blown panic attack at the thought of taking a grumpy toddler who hasn't pooped yet for the day to the grocery store. It can make you want to literally pull your hair out when your six year old talks back to you, and tells you that "you don't know what you're talking about," while you're bathing her, and her brother is spitting shower water all over your legs. It can make you feel an exhaustion that you have never before felt until you had kids. It can make you worry more than you ever have in your life.
It can also do a few more things to you. It can make you realize that it isn't all about you. It can take any selfish tendencies you might have had, and totally squash them. It can make you look past outward appearances, and see people for what they really are, or aren't. It can make you see what is really important, and what is bullshit. It can make you love so much and so deep, it physically hurts. It can make you worry about the littlest things when it involves the well being of your child. It can make you fierce and maybe a little mean when you feel like your babies might be threatened. It can make you love your partner more than you thought possible when you see them change a diaper. Extra points if it's a poop diaper. It can change your priorities completely. It can make you push yourself farther than you ever thought possible. It can give you the opportunity to watch sunrises because you have been up for hours with a fussy baby. It can make you see that time does in fact pass really quickly. It can make you aware of what your limit is, and then it can make you push past it. It can change you and shape you into a better person. It can make you see what your purpose in life really is. It can show you that love really is the most important thing. It can make you know, deep down, that love really is the thread of life.
Being a parent is hard work. Being a mother is hard work. But above all, it is a divine privilege. Sometimes it can make us feel, and look like we've been beat. Sometimes we might find poop in our hair. Sometimes we are so exhausted we could cry. But it is all so well worth it. You will never love and be loved so intensely as when you are a mother. It is a tireless and selfless act. And it is the most important, most incredible thing you will ever do in your life.
I'm going to tell you a secret that no one would dare tell you. Motherhood is hard. Parenting is hard. It is not a walk in the park. It is not always play dates, and perfectly behaved kids. In fact it is rarely that. Motherhood is a raw, emotional, dirty experience. It can hurt you on an emotional and sometimes physical level, (cue getting mastitis or a bite to the arm by a teething six month old). It can make you think that you are doing everything wrong. It can cause you to have a full blown panic attack at the thought of taking a grumpy toddler who hasn't pooped yet for the day to the grocery store. It can make you want to literally pull your hair out when your six year old talks back to you, and tells you that "you don't know what you're talking about," while you're bathing her, and her brother is spitting shower water all over your legs. It can make you feel an exhaustion that you have never before felt until you had kids. It can make you worry more than you ever have in your life.
It can also do a few more things to you. It can make you realize that it isn't all about you. It can take any selfish tendencies you might have had, and totally squash them. It can make you look past outward appearances, and see people for what they really are, or aren't. It can make you see what is really important, and what is bullshit. It can make you love so much and so deep, it physically hurts. It can make you worry about the littlest things when it involves the well being of your child. It can make you fierce and maybe a little mean when you feel like your babies might be threatened. It can make you love your partner more than you thought possible when you see them change a diaper. Extra points if it's a poop diaper. It can change your priorities completely. It can make you push yourself farther than you ever thought possible. It can give you the opportunity to watch sunrises because you have been up for hours with a fussy baby. It can make you see that time does in fact pass really quickly. It can make you aware of what your limit is, and then it can make you push past it. It can change you and shape you into a better person. It can make you see what your purpose in life really is. It can show you that love really is the most important thing. It can make you know, deep down, that love really is the thread of life.
Being a parent is hard work. Being a mother is hard work. But above all, it is a divine privilege. Sometimes it can make us feel, and look like we've been beat. Sometimes we might find poop in our hair. Sometimes we are so exhausted we could cry. But it is all so well worth it. You will never love and be loved so intensely as when you are a mother. It is a tireless and selfless act. And it is the most important, most incredible thing you will ever do in your life.
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