Don't be a turd.

My oldest daughter is at an age where she's starting to learn that not all other kids she comes into contact with are going to be nice to her. I would like to think that Clara is nice by default. It's in her nature to be kind, and she was born with an innate compassion that I am ridiculously proud of. But her dad and I have stressed being kind and respectful to others since she could talk. And for the most part, except for that streak of aggravation and bossiness that she gets only from her father, she is. She discovered Minecraft, and then we upgraded her to the version where she can play online with friends and talk to them, and overnight we got a gamer kid. We found kid friendly forums or whatever the hell you call it, so she can only play with other kids her age. She usually plays with really nice kids, but every once in a while she comes across one that is a real turd. I say turd because that is a nicer way of saying shit head when you're talking to your child. Her father and I have found ourselves having conversations with her about why said turd was mean, why she had to befriend said turd, and why she can no longer play with said turd. And sometimes we have found ourselves having much deeper conversations about why said turd might be acting like that, or saying that, or possibly feeling that. It's not so easy to explain to a seven year old what I used to think was sometimes human nature. But this is what I have learned from it. It isn't human nature to be mean. Period. Period. Period. It just isn't. While I am sure many people will argue with me, I can tell you with certainty that children are not born mean. If a kid is mean, they have been taught that. They have seen it, they have heard it, or they have been the victim of it. They were not born with it. You don't come into this world, from a source that is much bigger and more brighter and more miraculous than any of us will ever understand while we are here, mean. You just don't. Children learn by example, and if they are mean and hateful, they are following an example. And this is where I have had to try and explain to my seven year old why said gamer kid is being such a shit head. Oops, I meant turd. For me it is easy to understand. I have been the one that was hurt by a so called friend, or the butt of a joke, or even the bully. But she just doesn't understand why and how someone could be mean to her. Because it's not in her nature. It is in a child's nature to be kind and compassionate, and playful and silly and goofy and loving. But not to be mean. So I find myself telling her that so and so turd face is being ugly because he learned it from his parents, or from the kid at school that makes fun of him, or from the neighbor down the street. I tell her that he isn't just mean to her, but to everyone he meets. I tell her that he might not be very happy, and he maybe even be a little sad, and that is why he acts that way. And I tell her that it isn't her fault, not one bit, because so and so turd face has been taught to act like that, allowed to act like that, and now doesn't know any better. I tell her it's not okay that he acts like that. That is never okay to be mean and hateful to someone. And if you ever find yourself being mean and hateful to someone, you need to remember that it hurts people when you are. I tell her that is okay to be angry, and it's okay to be sad, and that she will get her feelings hurt. And then I tell her one of the hardest parts that I have often found myself struggling with. That when you feel this way, you have to remember to be brave and stand up for yourself. You have to tell that turd face no matter how hard it is, that you won't let them treat you that way. And then you don't allow them another chance to treat you badly. I also tell her that if she ever finds herself being mean and ugly as we call it around here (it's a southern thing), that she needs to realize that she has probably hurt someone very very much and she should say she is sorry, no matter how hard that is. So I say this. Be kind to others. But don't roll over. Realize that you are always setting an example for someone. Learn to recognize that you are not perfect and that you will make mistakes. Learn to say you are sorry. Don't tolerate bad behavior, but have some grace with those who's mama didn't teach them any better. Love one another. Learn life lessons from the simple things like minecraft. And don't be a turd.